MISSING PERSON NOTICE

"O! for a muse of fire, that would ascend the brightest heaven of invention." —- William Shakespeare

MISSING PERSON NOTICE

Last Seen: Approximately Three Weeks Ago (Though Time Has Lost All Meaning)

Name: Creative Spark (also responds to “The Muse,” “Literary Inspiration,” and occasionally “That Thing I Used to Have”)

Description: Ethereal, elusive, maddeningly inconsistent in appearance. When present, manifests as a tingling sensation in the fingertips and an irrepressible urge to pontificate. Known to wear a beret at rakish angles.

Last Known Location: Was briefly spotted hovering near my keyboard during a 2 AM doom-scrolling session, but vanished before I could capture it in prose. May have fled in disgust.

Distinguishing Characteristics:

• Arrives exclusively at inconvenient moments (3 AM, mid-shower, during important meetings)

• Allergic to blank pages and blinking cursors

• Frequently seen in the company of pretentious vocabulary and unnecessarily complex sentence structures

• Has an obnoxious habit of appearing fully formed for other writers

Warning: Subject is considered armed and dangerous to one’s sense of writerly self-worth. Approach with caffeine and low expectations.

If Found: Please return immediately to my desk, preferably before my self-imposed deadline. Reward offered: one completed blog post and the restoration of my insufferable sense of intellectual superiority.

Contact: A desperate writer, staring at a blank screen, questioning all life choices

P.S. - If you see Plot Coherence or Ending That Actually Works while you’re out there, grab them too.